Avoid These 5 Adoption Blunders!

 Adoption can be a very interesting journey. Sometimes we move forward and then look back on our actions and reactions and think "Did I just do that?"As you move forward on your adoption journey it is key to listen to those who have gone before you.  Remember wisdom is gained from listening to others and then making the right decision with your new knowledge.

4ab4b6df96c060fa741e97b50eafb07c LIn over 21 years of working in the field of adoption, I have seen and heard of every kind of blunder you could imagine in adoption. Some were made out of ignorance and others out of stubbornness, flat out stupidity or just procrastination.

It is my hope that by sharing some of these embarrassing mistakes with you, you won't fall prey to them and your adoption journey will be void of these and filled with more peace and calm without guilt or regrets. Here are the five most common adoption blunders:

1. Not reading your adoption agreement or contract

2. Making decisions from your heart and not your head and heart together.

3. Going against the recommendations of your adoption professional regarding money to a birth mother.

4. Putting off getting your home study complete

5. Going back on your word regarding contact with a birth mother after your adoption is final.

  • If you have already made these blunders, you can correct your directions and still find peace. Here are some solutions:
  • If you have a contract you have not read, you can correct this by reading it now, if your adoption is not complete. Ask questions of your adoption professional. It is not too late!
  • If you have already made decisions with your heart and have heartache to show for it- learn from it and next time, take a deep breath and look at all sides of a situation before you jump in or commit.
  • If you have paid a woman posing as a birth mother or one that was considering adoption and you just thought it would be ok to pay a few expenses behind your adoption professional's back, learn from this. In some states expenses are illegal and you don't want to do anything to jeopardize your adoption finalization. When in doubt, ask.

I am surprised at the number of adoptive parents that put off doing their home study and miss opportunities or forget to update their home study. They find out it is going to cost more to get it done when they needed it done "yesterday". If you have a home study that was completed more than 12 months ago, contact your home study provider to see when it expires, and document this in your calendar. If it is expired - inquire on the home study update process and cost, and then make a point of getting it down within 30 days.

If by chance you have forgotten to stay in touch with your birth mother, now is the time to consider: where you would be without her? I know I would not be a mommy without my children's birth mother and because of that I want to always respect both our agreements and their privacy. Take time today to send a letter to your birth mother or to your adoption professional to forward. A simple card with a photo or note letting them know they are thought of and special is a way to say thank you for making your family. It is not taking away your role as parents, it is respecting your child and how they came to be yours through their first family. You will be blessed by honoring your commitment.

I hope this has helped you and that you will find knowing what to avoid will help you in your adoption and beyond. God Bless you in your adoption.

Mardie Caldwell

Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is a nationally recognized authority on adoption. A Certified Open Adoption Practitioner, Caldwell is the founder of the nationwide adoption organization Lifetime Adoption Center LLC, established in 1986. Caldwell has assisted in over 1,800 successful adoptions. She was one of the first adoption professionals on the Internet.

 

Caldwell's life work has been dedicated to educating and helping birth parents and adoptive parents through teaching, speaking, and resources and as a radio talk show host. 

 

Author of a number of award winning books, Caldwell has appeared more than 150 times on various networks including NBC's The Today Show, CNN, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, Dr. Laura, numerous national radio interviews, and is widely sought for print articles and speaking. 

 

Caldwell is CFO of Lifetime Adoption Foundation, a 501(c) 3 non-profit offering grants and college scholarships to birth mothers, basic necessities, and more.

 

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